A Letter to my College Hater

                      


I found a neatly folded note in my wallet recently, after which I decided it was finally time to share this at-first-mean-but-now-funny incident with you. This is probably going to be a long post, but I'm still going to share it.

SLIGHT BACKGROUND
I was in the same Junior and Degree college. So that makes it 5 whole years at the same place. Most of the people knew each other, some as friends and some as mere acquaintances. We had very strict rules when it came to attendance. Mine was never particularly bad, but at the same time I struggled to go above the required 75% mark. 

Fast forward to my third and final year of degree College. I was adamant to make sure I crossed 75% because it has now started to hurt my ego. I refused to get another letter from college threatening to debar me. And so I would wrestle with my sleepy/lazy mind in that sleepy/lazy daze, finally convincing myself to get up and go attend the 7 am lecture. I was doing pretty well on that front. Obviously I was sleepy. Kindly make note of that.

So unlike a normal student, I always had to sit on one of the first few benches in class. I was never a backbencher. Since I would always be in front and it was early in the morning I never really knew what was happening at the rear end of class. I also never spoke much because I'm a trueblue Cancerian and would prefer to listen rather than talk on any given day. 
Yes I was shy and more of an introvert at that time. It's not like I didn't want to talk to anyone it's just that I would be totally engrossed in observing people. That's what I do. That's who I am. I don't know if that's the best quality, but it most definitely is not bad either. Random fact about me, just in case you wanted to know.

THE GAME
Since the year was coming to an end and it also happened to be the last year, one of our professors decided to help us get to know each other a bit more since our entire class was clearly divided into smaller clans. To be honest it was a very sweet gesture, however, it could have been executed differently. Nonetheless, very sweet.

The game was called Fish Pond or Fish Bowl or some other fish related thing. Everyone had to anonymously write one good and one bad quality of any person from class on a piece of paper, fold it and hand it to her. 
I immediately knew that I wanted to write to this one girl who was very quiet yet seemed to be very sweet and most definitely very clever. Only problem was I didn't know what to write when it came to the bad quality. I asked the Professor if it was required and she said yes because of which I settled on something like "Maybe you should open up and talk a bit more" which was just absurd because I never spoke much either. 
Also because now when I think about it, it is NOT a bad quality. It's much better than making small talk just for the heck of saying something. 
Anyway so in my note I wrote to her telling her that she came across as a wonderful person and I would genuinely like to talk to her in general. Unfortunately the game was too hard on me and I don't remember even going to college much after that. Lucky for me there weren't many days left and I had already attended quite a bit at the start, remember in my sleepy state?

So this professor decided to call students up and read these anonymous chits out aloud. Most of the notes had typical messages like "ooh you're so sweet"  and "ooh you're so cool" blah blah !
I had somehow convinced myself that I was basically invisible in class and was just a spectator here, and hence was pretty surprised when one of the students picked up a chit and took my name. 

JUST PICTURE THIS NOW
He reads - Priyanka:
Good quality - "attends a lot" *Professor nods in agreement*
Bad quality - "your face is so boring, I feel sleepy just looking at it" *Professor is dumbstruck*

The class went quiet, I took two seconds and blurted "That's mean" *Professor very animatedly agress*

Now, if you go to see the comment itself is nothing but childish. I just wanted to turn around and tell that wonderful person that the word that he/she was probably looking for was somniferous.
I mean this person obviously wrote this comment thinking he would be funny and so if you're trying to act funny and cool, then you should use a suitable word to up your cool quotient, you know.

Also, what he/she said wasn't all that derogatory too. It was just out of sheer embarrassment that I walked up to the restroom and started wailing there. I was crying because I felt that everyone who got a note received constructive criticism and I just got rubbish. Now that I think about it, would it actually matter if others got rubbish too? Would it make me feel any better? Probably not.

Then the sweetest thing happened, a few of my batchmates decided to write another note for me. This time only highlighting my plus points. And I'm not sure if I thanked  them enough that time considering the fact that my emotions were all over the place, but now I just want to say thank you to all of you'll. 
I'm not sure if you all are reading this or not, but I just wanted to let you all know that I wasn't having the best day today and so I decided to do some cleaning, because I weirdly find it therapeutic, and came across that same letter in my wallet and immediately smiled. 
I wasn't grumpy anymore.

I should also be thanking this naive hater of mine, because after that day, I realised that I must have actually made an impact on this person. Also, the most lovely professor, tried her best to get me out of that negativity. I didn't know what to say at that time, now I know. 
Thank you, because I surprisingly have finally taken all this in my stride. I mean who wants to be invisible right?

HOW THIS HELPED ME
I have started a new thing, if someone says or does something bad, I've actually started to think about it in my head and figure out why he/she must have said/done that. Let me tell you, it wasn't all that easy. And I've not mastered it as yet, but I'll get there soon. 
You know why? Because there will always be a hater in your life. Everyone has them. 

WHAT IM ASSUMING THIS PERSON MUST HAVE FELT
Temporary happiness. It's really sad because you know what they say, a happy and content human being will never think of putting someone else down. 
Initially I cried when this happened because I was JUST.SO.EMBARASSED.

Then I started narrating this incident to people and started to find it funny.

Now, I don't feel anything at all. You don't have to put others down thinking you are going to feel better. Just think about it, you're saying or doing some nasty thing to someone because you think it's funny. What do you get out of it in the end? Nothing..

I just actually sent a little Thank you out there when I re-read the nice letter from the nice people from my class. So it's like a mini prayer that goes out to them, hoping only the best for them in life. Everyone's stressed out in life, everyone has their own problems, however big or trivial they may be. So try spreading positivity and helping them. If you don't want to do it for them, then do it for yourself. It always comes back to you..

SO FINALLY
I don't hold any grudges as of today. Everyone has their own reasons.. This Person must have had some reason too.. 
Maybe I borrowed his or her favourite pen and didn't give it back or something.. 
You never know..








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